New chapter of my life. epic-ly new chapter. its so epic it should be a new book, not a chapter. but my life has been epic ever since ever. so its a chapter. A new epic chapter of my epic book of life.
epic- in both ways, good and bad.
So, a lot has changed since i last blogged. Lets see. I have finally gotten over the jerk ass of a guy; a low level male species. let’s see what he did. he got a gf, didn’t tell me about it, led me on. muthaf*******. ok seeing as how pissed off i still am, i guess im not totally over it. but to be honest, i thought we were tight ( as friends), and how issit possible you don’t tell your friends that you are in a rs?! pissseddddd
ok let’s not waste extra blog space or anymore of my time on that shithead.
so what’s happening in my life.
im all the way in brisbane,australia now. Am officially a UNIVERSITY STUDENT. WHOOP WHOOOP. MUST DO WELL, PAYING SO MUCH FOR SCHOOL FEES ALREADY. must do my parents proud. must. must must.
and….. i kinda like this guy. a lot. had a mega crush on him the first time i met him. he has this swag….. this attitude, this playa aura. but the more i got to know him, the more i realised, he isn’t. and he’s such a sweet, responsible (and hot) guy. i have known him for around 3 months now. i know it isn’t that long. but we spend a lot of quality time together. heck, we even slept together for 7 days. haha, but that was a road trip. and it was with another guy, in a van.
sidetrack a bit. f-ing epic road trip btw. drove up north in this broken down camper. all the way to arlie beach. mad epic, snorkelled in the great barrier reef, and chilled at one of the finest place in australia. got rashes, could be from some caterpillar stings, went to the hospital. got attacked by drunkards whilst we were sleeping in the van.
came back from arlie, went to GC with some friends. amazing. lived by the canal. the canal was linked to the rivers and the sea! sat in a speedboat. ate fresh crabs (caught not bought), sand slide, went to some exclusive islands, only accessible by boat and the RICH. haha
ok back to the story. so, this guy, lets name him R. the first time i met him was when i attended this meet and greet session for freshies like me. he walked in, took my breath away. his style his swag. alarms rang *BAD BOY* - my mind said.
still, so intriguing. i wanted so much to know him more. and i did. so one thing led to another, he asked me along to the road trip as friends. we didn’t express any romantic interest then. went on the road trip, saw a different side of him. the caring, attentive, responsible fella that he was. and hot bod too. in my mind, i went, *check * check * check off my mental list of qualities i look for in a soul mate.
came back from road trip, i was sure he wasn’t interested in me. but who knew; i was sick -he came by my place with porridge. i was feeling down; he came by with a muffin. he is indeed the nicest/sweetest guy i have ever known, apart from my awesome dad. i also suspected that he does this for all his gurl friends. so i tried not to over think things.
but still, no romantic interest expressed yet.
met a couple more times in uni. studied overnight at uni.
Went out on our first date, to watch the avengers. then went up to mt cootha. nothing yet! i was wondering when was he ever gonna make a move! wait and wait and wait. a gurl can only wait that long! hahaha but i can see it in his eyes. could be sth?
2nd date. he said “hey wanna go to the eiffel tower?” at 10pm. i was like ???!?. isnt that in paris? so i went out to supper with him.. and as usual, he was tired. so i suggested to go back early. i felt like kicking myself in the ass. i wanted to hang out more for suggesting that we go back early. while we were in the car, i just didn’t want the night to end, so i asked if we could drive by the city to see the lights. went by the city, the story bridge and the lights. on the way out of the city, we saw kangaroo point. which is this park, so he suggested we take a walk.
it was getting cold outside. so while we were walking, he did the cliche-est thing. asked if i was cold, and took my hand. HAHA omg. heart beating super fasstttttt. so we walked a lil while holding hands.
then he said “what are we doing?” i said ” i don’t know”. by this time, i could feel my heart beating like mad. i didnt know what to say. my first confession. FIRST.
so we stood there for a good 20 mins, talking about our feelings. what came out first, was him going on exchange, and the difficulties we will face in the near near future. ( 1 month from now to be exact), and how we are gonna deal with it. i think what was on our minds is, should we even start something, knowing it might end in the near future.
well, i thought about all that way before. so i just told him how i feel. i told him my motto for 2012. which is to live life to the fullest, and do crazy shit, and whatever my heart says, not to hold back, not to regret. and i said ” i don’t know whats gonna happen, but i really like you too” fireworks!
i love how he wraps his hands around mine. how mine perfectly fits his. how his grip feels so strong.
and then, i made the move to kiss him. im so proud of myself. so brave. first kiss done. it was so warm, so comfortable, so exciting. hehe. 6/5/12. yum yum. i didn’t want it to end. but i knew i had too, i dont want it to happen too fast. i want to enjoy every single moment. but, went in the car, kissed somemore, went out of the car, kissed somemore. and the best thing is, i didn’t think it was gross, i liked it a lot.
i like kissing and cuddling.
but right now, i just want us to focus on finals, which is in 5 weeks time. but i can’t help missing him. missing not being with him.
right now, i still feel quite unsure. i feel everything is sooo surreal. and whats gonna happen after he goes exchange. what happens if he says this is just a phrase, and he was jus infatuated with me? questions questions questions.
he says he’s true. i know he is. but i cant help being filled with so many questions. i never had a bf before. i never know what it feels like to be in a r/s. ( apart from movies, story books, and my friends experience). and i don’t know how to act in a r/s either. i mean i have dated guys before, but those were just dates, and we were never together. R is def a guy i would wanna settle down with. the only guy i would want to settle down with. we are so similar in nature, in interests. but im afraid this similarity would cause friction between us as well. what’s craziest is our dad’s have the same name, and our mom’s are such awesome ppl.
i have been toning down my flirtatious nature as well. ima gonna be loyal.
argh, but FFFFFFFFFFF i hate it and yet want it so much. hate because, its so distracting, my mind is constantly thinking about him. sooo so bad.
argh, yet i want him so much.
F. is this what it feels like to be in a r/s?????????? bouts of panic attacks, pain and short bursts of sweetness which still manages to override all the other bad stuff???
God help me.
